Entry: Sour Candy Tuesday, October 04, 2005



   I got a phone call last night... yeah it's good news... the agancy called me to inform me that I was selected  from one of the many applicants out of 533 last Sunday on the said position... I don't feel that much excitement like I have before I was interviewed... forgot to mention that I did have a fellowship with my spiritual brother last Sundy night before I went home from work... I did cried so hard and went down on my knees about this dream...

   He's right.... if this is the Lord why I have a heavy heart to go? Why I am so confuse on what to decide? Why is that I can't find any reason at all why should I have to go? I know we are currently experiencing financial difficulty and there are times that we don't have bread on our table yet the Lord is always there to fill us in... The only reason that i have in my mind right now is that, I just can't help seeing  my mom at her old age still working and worrying about our daily bread... my salary isn't enough to cover it all up... everytime I see my mom  crying it broke my heart apart... and I know I could do things better that what I am earnign right now if only I could... I know I can do it... yet it is not on God's way... it'll be my own human way... I hate this feeling... this is what I am crying over the past few days over the phone to my Uncle... what shall I do now? this is the same thing that I cried last Sunday to my spiritual brother and just this morning while talking over the phone to my mom....

   After last Sunday's conversation, I got a high fever until today.... I know it's all about this... I know for sure this will be another different struggle in my life for the rest of the week .... the agency is kept on calling since I can't give my decision yet... not until this early morning... I declined the offer... I'm not leaving... unless the Lord tells me so... I know if it's His will I will be having a composed mind to go to Dubai... yeah, when I told it to my mom I saw her clouded face... she didn't say a word as I asked her... "Ma, why should I have to go?" it pierced my heart yet I will follow the Lord... in HIS time... in HIS time....  and with that, patiently I'll wait....   


   I'm so happy hearing my Manang that she is pregnant... oh, la..la... it made me so excited to go up to Baguio the soonest... I'm praying that I will be there when she delivers their very 1st baby.... Father, I'm lifting them up to YOU...


Dreams up high
Sparkling stars so high
Like diamonds up there
Gracing the night sky
   I know , someday
I'll hold you
I know, somehow
I'll touch you
Fall from the sky , star
Let me hold the dreams
enveloped you...
It'll happen I know...
In HIS time...
In HIS own perfect time... 

Star

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