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Monday, August 08, 2005
   Have a wonderful sharing & fellowshipping with my Manong & Manang last Saturday. Oh, what a lovely day that I got to hear from them again... I miss them so much and really would love to meet them in God's time... Talked with my sister Shine as well and got news about her life otta there.. so hectic and so busy... I know since there would be alot of workload that she will be having on the coming days for her work... wheeww.... so busy la...      
   Tried calling my Tito Monching, unsuccessful; my call prompted into his answering machine...
   Yani's mom get offended on me when I failed to showed up last Saturday but I didn't forget to ring her to advised that I an un-able to do so... but of course promised to see her on the following day which is Sunday...
   My Ate Moonjay got robbed Saturday night like what happened to me.. but this time she was harassed physically and emotionally... Oh, God... I'm still praying for her... she was still crying when I got home... I got home late last Saturday at about 11 in the evening and I really thanked God that nothing happened to me. My mom was so worried why I was not home during those hours... I didn't reasoned out to avoid any arguments...
   Sunday, woke up early to attend church- miss my church mates actually... I miss singing and leading the congregation to worship... indeed a wonderful service but then why can't feel anything at all... [deep sigh] Manong was indeed right... it is more than singing, dancing and hearing His word... it is supposed to be deep within...
   Met Yani's mom and go with her to spend the whole day in their place... Oh, I miss them so much... I miss everyone most especially Kenneth... I miss Tita Con... though often times when I go in their house she's always sleeping... I spend the whole afternoon with her, talking and having a bonding... how I miss those days... she even shared to me things that brings me much closer to her... I actually missed her... I did took a nap on her bed that I normally do even before... Kenneth was there bugging me to go home by 8 in the evening. He kept on kissing me and hugging me... and he kept on telling me good things about him actually... about the stars he got from school because of job well done, that he already knows how to read and this and that... oh I am so proud of him... he even asked me if I could put him to sleep that I normally do before... I miss those... I was so touched by the warmth that they make me feel... Tita Donna, Tita Ibeb, Tita Ana, Tita Juliet and Tita Con... I will never ever forget you guys... I exactly know how much you guys loved me... and indeed I also love you guys in return... I'm praying that you moved on just like what I did... I thanked Tita Juliet and Tita Ibeb for encouraging me to have a new boyfriend... ha..ha.. and to Tita Ana... I will always love Yani... he is forever into my heart and I already accepted the fact that we are not meant for each other... I will not forget him and he always have a special place into my heart as always.... I am so thankful that I have met you wonderful people... thank you so much.....

   I know it is the Lord who will repay you back in everything that you have done into me... I will always love you guys.... and will forever be thankful to the Lord Almighty for giving me a second family....          

Posted at Monday, August 08, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Saturday, August 06, 2005
After 2 Years
   A Time to Forget - the hurts and the pains, the sorrows and the suffering need to let them go... Ezsie Star

   Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. Phil. 3:13

   Today is Yani's 2nd year death anniversary.... It's been awhile when all of us were crying and into mourning when our dear Yani passed away on the early morn of August 6, 2003. I remembered when my Tita Connie (Yani's Aunt) called me in the middle of the morning of that day @ 0235. She cannot speak well and indeed crying on the other line then she told me "Ez, wala na sya"... I could not believed what I just heard... I replied her with a sob then hung up... I was still on my bed sitting then I shouted to my mom... Mommy... Wala na si Yani... I was yelling in pain of losing him.. then my eldest sister Ate Twinkle ran into me and embrace me... I was crying uncontrollably and refused to be comforted... I don't know what to do... then this cold wind blew from outside the window and I heard my dog Assi barking into me...

   I dont know what happened next... all I remembered is that I am already infront of Yani's lifeless body in the hospital and embracing him... I could still feel his warmed body and now lifeless... My mom was there so with my other sisters who are supporting me in this most painful event of my life... feels like I'm dying and that so hopeless at all... 

   Deep dark secrets revealed and nothing was hidden... though truth hurts and I have nothing to hold on but to accept things and forgive... I heard alot of 'em... and it hurts me even more... like what I have said "I was not hurt that he left me but on what he left me"... I love him more than myself and I believed it is love that maketh me forgive him... I am not angry and that is for sure... no, not to anyone... I know we have flaws that how perfect we may seem but deep inside of us we are all sinners...  just like what the bible says that "Love covers a multitude of sins"... and that is actually what happened to me... my love for him covers it all... I understand him and that I totally forgive him...

   And now after 2 years, here I am still walking with the Lord and I believed my relationship with the Father grows in my each and every day... which I am so thankful of....

   The end of one year and the dawning of a new one provide an excellent opportunity to wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start. the well known preacher Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) said: "We have passed through one more year. One more long stage in the journey of life, with it's ascents and descents and dust and mud and rocks and thorns and burdens that wear the shoulders, is done. The old year is dead. Roll it away. Let it go. God, in His providence, has brought us out of it. It is gone;.... it's evil has perished, and the good survives."

   Those who know the Lord Jesus as their Saviour can let go of the past and move ahead with assurance because Jesus provides forgiveness and hope. Having confessed their sin, "forgetting those things which are behind," they can confidently face the future, "reaching forward to those things which are ahead" (Phil. 3:13). Remembering God's faithfulness and forgetting past mistakes will make entering another year a time of joyous anticipation.
   Yes, we can leave the sins and failures, hurts and pains, suffering and mourning behind us, accept His forgiveness, and press on to the higher ground. As far as our shortcomings are concerned, we can make the beginning of the following year a time to forget....

Look not back on yesterday
So full of failure and regret;
Look ahead and seek God's way
All sin confessed you must forget.

My quote: Never let a dark past cloud a bright future.   



Posted at Saturday, August 06, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Thursday, August 04, 2005
I'm Preparing to Live
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

It was two years ago, when I felt to ended my life... My Fiance died and as I looked at the world around me, I was so depressed by the moral and political chaos. There seemed to be no reason for me to go on, nothing for me to do.

I was into agony and indeed suffered so badly on what happened.. I was not hurt that he left me but I am so hurt on what he left me... The incident shaken my world and weaken my confidence into my self... I never know after all this time... and not until he is no more to explain to me the things that needed an explanation... things that I need to know.. things that needed to clear, things that is so absurd and things that I really can't comprehend so easily... All I am asking is WHY? I am not asking why did he died.. of course it is too obvious that it is God's will... and now that he is gone there is no one who will answer me... [deep sigh] Those were the days were I cannot make my self walk straight and think straight... where my world is so gloomy that I my self could not see the hope and that there is still a brighter tomorrow ahead of me...

At a church gathering one afternoon, I sat next to my youth Pastor who sensed my dejection. He asked me are you still mourning? I just gave a quick smile, shaking my head. Then he asked me "WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST CONCERN?" I gave a deep sigh and I didn't gave him any answer while in my head I answered him "I'M PREPARING TO DIE,"... then he shot back "WHY NOT PREPARE TO LIVE?" surprised on what I heard... That was the question I needed to hear to break the deadlock in my life. Then from that time on I began to see that God wanted me to live and to touch others for HIM. My attitude changed in my outlook in life, though not that easily but I know it is the Lord who is working out on me during those times.

I was not blaming God and who am I to blame HIM? He's my creator and the only reason I lived is to worship HIM.

Life can seem overwhelming at times, but God offers us hope. Apostle Paul wrote, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).

Regardless of your age or circumstances, don't despair and "prepare to die." Believers in Christ can prepare to live filled with hope, joy, and peace.

The hope we have in Jesus Christ
Peplaces all despair;
He fills us with His joy and peace
And shows His love and care.


Posted at Thursday, August 04, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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