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Monday, July 18, 2005
i NOW kNow
   Since yesterday I am occupied by this loneliness, sadness or this depression that they called it and it made feel so down the whole day and even up to now... I haven't talk to anyone about this because it made me feel like not to talk at all, not to do normal things that I love to do... it made me feel so lazy, it made feel not to open up, it made me feel to do things without my mind into it...

Sounds very stupid and scary I haven't gone to church yesterday... and I haven't heard uplifting words that would comfort me... I have this longing and I visited several Christian site to fill this longing and emptiness inside of me... I read several articles, newletters, sharing but still something is missing... what is this... I'm going crazy... I can't feel His presence with me... He seems so far.... I can't feel God right now, where in fact I know He is here.... why I can't feel Him... why am I feeling so sad where in fact I should not to... I can't find any reason at all to feel lonely and down.... I just don't know why...

I longed for something that I don't know what and why?.... until this morning in my devotion, I have been praying so hard To the Lord to tell me what is happening with me He actually leadeth me to this ...

Psalm 42
As the deer pants for the streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God,
My soul thrists for God, for the living God,
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day & night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul;
how I used to go with the multitude
leading the procession to the house of God.
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng...
why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
put your hope IN GOD,
for I will yet praise him.
my saviour and my God.
mY soul is downcast within me
therefore I remember you.... the day the Lord directs his love,
at night his songs is with me
a prayer to the God of my life.
.....Why are you so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
For I will yet praise him,
my Saviour and my God...


   Now I know why I was so upset for the past few days.... I miss fellowshipping.... I indeed miss my fellow Christian believers... hearing their stories on the previous days where I haven't seen uplifts my spirits up... Oh, I love to go back to my church and sing again... Lord, I thank you so much... now I know that I needed to fellowship as well... and with that I won't forget to see and hear them out.... 

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Feeling Down...
   It's weekend and it's Saturday! Wheew, even though I have my day off yesterday I still feel so tired and exhausted on my job. Or maybe, I'm feeling so fed up with my daily work, it's already a routine that I attend daily and I feel really tired. I guess I want change, hmmmppp, I want change and I love to change... I indeed so tired of doing the same job over and over again...

I hate this feeling..... I feel so down as well, I don't know why?... I feel so sad and depress on something that I don't understand.... I don't know why? I feel a longing into my heart... I tried to check what is it... I can't find any... I can't think properly now... this is bothering me so much... I'm praying but I don't feel that my prayers are effective enough to reach heaven... I know it sounds crazy but it's true... it's like you're praying yet all of it are bouncing back to you...

Is this depression? why am I feeling this? I can't find any reason.... I have a family that I love through thick and thin... I have wonderful friends here, abroad and even online... what seems to be the problem... nothing is bothering me if I am not mistaken..... [deep sigh] I don't know what to do now... and I feel like crying... about something that I don't understand... is this depression? I'm praying but nothing is happening.... please do pray for me as well... I know GOD hears me and that He fully knows what I am feeling and going through....       

Posted at Saturday, July 16, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Thursday, July 14, 2005
I'm Praying

God is answering our prayers in it's own time and way...

I'm praying,
I'm waiting,
Still thinking,
Still hoping,
I know He hears me,
I know He knew what's best for me
For sure He'll answer
The Prayer in my mind

Posted at Thursday, July 14, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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