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Saturday, June 11, 2005
My Insecurities...

   I really hated this when it comes into my self... this crept in like a poison that could kill me... deep sigh... I did enjoyed my stay in Malaysia and too obvious the food as well... and the outcome... dyarrand!!! I gained weight.... LOL.... upon return all were so surprised and cannot believed their eyes... Father, I humbly asking for your forgiveness for all my thoughts... Forgive me... I now feel so insecure and un-confident enough on my weight.... Forgive me if I let insecurity crept into me and now all my insecruties of the past kept coming back and haunting me.... I know You made me beautiful because I was formed accordingly as what is written in Psalm 139:13-14... Your the one who made me please take away this unclean thoughts that is on my mind.. fill me with your presence Lord... let me think nothing but you and you alone my dear God....

   My sharing...
   .....'Take delight in honouring each other.' Romans 12:10    
I just read something that makes me realized things over... Legend has it that when Hitler was looking for a chauffer he selected the shortest man he could find and kept him as his driver for the rest of his life. The man was so short that he needed special blocks under the driver's seat just to see over the steering wheel. Hitler used the poor guy to make himself look bigger than he really was.

   I did smiled upon reading this, I know if I feel constantly threatened by somebody else's looks or popularity or ability... it only means to say that I have a problem that needs to be dealth with... That problem I believed is "Insecurity"; it hangs around with it's mate - jealousy. It actually spoiled my day and seriously  limit my tomorrow.
   Apostle Paul says, "Take delight in honouring each other' (Romans 12:10 TLB). That means thinking well and speaking well about the people around you. It means not getting in a mood when you're not first, top or the center of attention. It only means not developing a victim complex just because I seem to have a tougher time in life then some other people. Honouring others means helping them be the best they can be in life. That's something I can do today - even if it means sacrifising one's self to do it. As I looked into my friends, their desires, their talents and their opportunities I need to find a seed in thier life that I can water with encouragement. If I do it, I know for sure that I will find a joy of seeing that person blossom before my eyes... And when I start giving out about my insecurities in life... I know those will be starved of attention and will begin to die away.... and that I can't lose!.....     

Posted at Saturday, June 11, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LoVe ThEy HaVe GiVeN (1)  

Friday, June 10, 2005
Pressured Life

   Almost a week I wasn't able to update my post... sigh... verryyyyy, verrrryyyy bussssy indeed.... alot of new assignments, new job description has been added into my daily chores.... my manager talked to me just only last Tuesday about what I have been praying for.... Thank God that my questions has been answered... she did explained to me about all the sudden changes that has been happening lately... hayyyyy.....
   I now came to know that they are honing me to be one of the three people to be a Customer Service Specialist... I never thought of that.... all the while all I know is that I have no place to be stay to since I already learned things easily.... it's quite challening and as what I expect alot of new workload has been added.... expect the unexpected as well since I'm going to handle a team... composed of people with different attitude, values and different views in life... tough job isn't it... though I could easily blend but the thing is I am really praying so hard because I don't want to break what I am right now... what I mean to say is that I don't want to compromise in whatever I might be doing just to let these people follow me... I for sure cannot please people and for sure I don't need to please people but God.... it's different when you are in this kind of field because they are not the same as me... I know I'm different and I am looking things in another perspective now... It's really hard you know, but there is nothing to hard for the Lord as what the scripture says.... hmmppp.... everyday is a winding road.... everyday is a learning process... everyday is another day of whatever the Lord wants me to know, to feel, to understand, to do, to look at and to passed on... I just have to be focus into Him... to Him and Him alone.... 

Oh, my soul   
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
It's been told from the beginning
The Lord your God is on your side...    

Thursday, June 02, 2005
Deep Sigh

I dunno wat to do now.... deep sigh.... another deep sigh...   

My day is almost over now and indeed very tired and very exhusted and I got a headache on my new assigned job... my superior again approached me and told me to report on a new project by Monday... I know I can't help it, but this time I did cried... "Why almost every week I am into different project bearing different job description?" that's what I asked her... I get tried and fed up on all of these that are taking place into my life right now.... I love change that's for sure...I hate same old routines and I want new ideas, new learnings that I know helps me alot to moved on and do much better... but... please not a frequent and constant change..... as I told yesterday give me sometime.... sometime to make my self be equipt with new ideas on certain things... not like this... I'm just starting to learn then pulling me out and puts me to nowhere made me inconsistent on what I have.... I know and for sure I am the most versatile agent on the floor.... It's already proven in so many ways... but of course I also get tired on being tossed around... right now all I want is to stay, be remained and to positioned my self into a job that I could go on for just a single expanse of time... deep sigh... I praying this Lord... that they may come to understand... that they may have a heart and give a consideration on what I am asking them... I am not into position to demand but I am requesting and praying all this out to you oh my God... but let YOUR will be done into my life... and please give me a willing heart to obey whatever they decide.... I pray this in Jesus mighty name.... Amen...          

Posted at Thursday, June 02, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LoVe ThEy HaVe GiVeN (1)  

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