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Thursday, June 02, 2005
Deep Sigh

I dunno wat to do now.... deep sigh.... another deep sigh...   

My day is almost over now and indeed very tired and very exhusted and I got a headache on my new assigned job... my superior again approached me and told me to report on a new project by Monday... I know I can't help it, but this time I did cried... "Why almost every week I am into different project bearing different job description?" that's what I asked her... I get tried and fed up on all of these that are taking place into my life right now.... I love change that's for sure...I hate same old routines and I want new ideas, new learnings that I know helps me alot to moved on and do much better... but... please not a frequent and constant change..... as I told yesterday give me sometime.... sometime to make my self be equipt with new ideas on certain things... not like this... I'm just starting to learn then pulling me out and puts me to nowhere made me inconsistent on what I have.... I know and for sure I am the most versatile agent on the floor.... It's already proven in so many ways... but of course I also get tired on being tossed around... right now all I want is to stay, be remained and to positioned my self into a job that I could go on for just a single expanse of time... deep sigh... I praying this Lord... that they may come to understand... that they may have a heart and give a consideration on what I am asking them... I am not into position to demand but I am requesting and praying all this out to you oh my God... but let YOUR will be done into my life... and please give me a willing heart to obey whatever they decide.... I pray this in Jesus mighty name.... Amen...          

Posted at Thursday, June 02, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LoVe ThEy HaVe GiVeN (1)  

Wednesday, June 01, 2005
They don't know what to do to me???

Sigh...sigh...sigh...and another deep sigh... hmmmpppp.... how would I start my story to you...

Oh... since I started liking my gaveyard schedule there goes another changes to my life again... The Management dunno what to do to me anymore!!! aaarrrhhhhggg! My supervisor talked to me yesterday and advised me that the other project needed me... Oh, my!!! I have to give up another project which I came to love and like and accepted as my new like now...... he advised me to come to office at 0930 starting today for my new schedule... would you think that's a nice idea? I don't think so... I tried to reasoned out to him to give me sometime like a week to stay in OSPR he told me that he himself really liked me in the team but the higher ups is the one who requested me to be in this project.... sigh..sigh..sigh... and more sigh.... I don't know what to do... I feel like crying in front of him but I control my emotions coming out... I did have my shades with me then told him that I need rest and will see him tomorrow... it's not that I don't like the job, actually it's flattering on my part since I was chosen among the many to handle the project and they believed in me that I can do it but the case is... why in a very short notice???... the job is indeed great and another no sweat since I am so familiar with the nature of the job as well as the system... It made me feel that they could just throw me into other project as easy as that

Well, I can't say no to them right?... I have nothing to do but to follow and no more if's & but's... that's why I am here right now seating to another agent to be familiarized again on the new job... sigh... it made me feel that they don't care at all on how am I feeling being thrown into different projects every week... actually it's alright with me but of course within reason and a period of time... it's an advantage to me as well since I will come to learn every single project the company is handling... see it's career wise decision but of course "they must give me sometime"... and guess what now I'm back on the floor again... I'm quite glad because I'm dealing with the  client again but at the same time feeling not good but still I'll do my best to this project....

Oh my God, I don't have plans and I am lifting all of this to you... I thanked you so much and please give me a willing heart to possibly do everything that I can for this project... On my own might alone I cannot do this but with your aid I know I can... so please help me God.... Amen...

Posted at Wednesday, June 01, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Tuesday, May 31, 2005
My 1st Night

   This is my  first night where I am away from my bed as well as my Khuoopie in my own country. [Deep sigh] Indeed I’m beginning to like it and would have my daily routine during night then… It’s kinda different when you are working at night while the whole city is asleep while sleeping while the whole city is awake. Sounds like creature of the night huh… ha..ha..ha… but anyhows the stress is indeed different as well… I think it is much stressful during graveyard shifts than working on the normal working day…. Were quite loaded today of packages from different flights… the supposed to be flights is only five but added of another one coming from Singapore…. We are in a hurry to asses documentations as well as in correcting needed details for customs processing… whewww indeed my 1st graveyard shift is memorable… I don’t feel hungry because of the scheduled time of my eating I guess though I have this kind of work before way back when I was in college…while doing a correspondence in a morning paper and doing an on-the-job-training as a disc jockey in a radio station… hollaa… but that was so long ago and now I am up by those hours …. I have with me is Gladys, Brix and Raymond…. you’ll be amazed how serious the four of us while doing our job… no one is talking, everybody is so quiet, focused and indeed try to beat the deadline for the submission… I am laughing while glancing to the three of them… I can’t help it… I’m a noisy person so you guess right, that I am the only one talking and my voice filled the whole floor….just like before, I remember my voice filled the whole city at night when I’m doing the evening announcements and reading the dedications before playing the requested songs… those were the days… and now as I sat on my station looking through the window seeing the whole Makati City I just let go of a smile because this is another chapter of my life… Graveyard shifts Sucks… but I learned to love it…. Right now I’m learning to like and love it… just like before….

   I did have a good weekend… I was chosen to be a godmother of baby Isaac Nicholai youngest son of my church mate… I embraced him after the Sunday service and I felt joy seeing that little face shows innocence that brought joy into my heart… I know someday I’ll be a mom too and that “Patiently I’ll Wait”… hmmmpppppp….. My youth counselor congratulate me for a job well done given to me… I told him that to God be the praises and glory… I am only a channel being used for it… what else… I cannot sleep well… I don’t know why? Perhaps because I was too excited on my new working schedule… “My Night Life”…. I know it will be kinda hard but I will like it later on…. And also my day off is different now… I will be having my day off during weekdays so it means that I will not be able to showed up to my church during Sundays… Actually Sunday is my life… for the many years I stayed in my company I always see to it that my off would be Sunday because it is the only day I spend with my whole family, my church mate, and my youth group…. I remember what my Manong told me that I could do praise God even not in a Sunday which is the way I was brought up with… I could attend service during weekdays as well.. that I don’t have to limit my self that it must to be Sundays only… I understand… I fully understand… I would not missed meaty service as well because it’s just soooo the same… the difference is the day itself only… but the service, the heart that will worship it will just be the same… Praise God I am already prepared for that….. Actually I miss my Manong and I am praying to the Lord that somehow, somewhere, someday I’ll see him and also I miss Manang as well… I hope I could still see her again but the probability of seeing her on my own would be too difficult now… My sister who used to live in Baguio decided to work here in Mnaila again… [Deep sigh] after my sister’s vacation there (my other siblings I mean) she decided to work here in the city because she misses home to badly… hayyy “Homesick Baby”…. But anyhow, let your will be done oh Lord… and that I pray in Jesus name… Amen….          

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