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Monday, April 11, 2005
~ In My Silence ~

   It's been quite sometime now that I have this poem with me... I have given up everything to the Lord and I already get over it... and right now let me just share this poem to all of you... that once in my life I learned to love a person that wheter I kept on denying and hiding it the more it shows... LOL... funny isn't it? I learned alot of lessons from that.... and now I can just laugh and smiled everytime I looked back....  

I have Loved You In Silence

Whenever I looked at you
I feel sudden sadness
Because I know you are someone
Who could never be mine

Maybe you have noticed
The sudden changes
I am having lately,
I just couldn't handle it anymore
I can't go on pretending

I hate myself
For not being able to admit
I am too afraid of the consequences
That are bound to happen

Your smile keep on haunting me
My mind is telling me to forget you...
But how?

For long I have loved you in silence
I tried to show it
Hoping that you'll soon see
The feelings I hide
Yet... you are blind
Or maybe you're just not ready
For something like this
Or maybe you are waiting for my move
A move that might never happen

The distance between us
Is getting bigger 
I couldn't do anything
But to admire from a distance
I know whatever happens
You and I will remain just a dream

Only in my dreams
I can hold you
Only there I can tell
Your mine
But when the dream is finally over
Reality creeps through my heart
And says you're someone
Who could never be mine



Posted at Monday, April 11, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Friday, April 08, 2005
"Vida después de la muerte"

Life From Death

"por lo tanto si cualquier persona está en Cristo, él es una nueva criatura; las viejas cosas pasadas lejos; behold, las nuevas cosas han venido." --2 corinthians 5:17
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." - - 2 Corinthians 5:17

   This is the continuation of the sudden death that i have experienced and let me share it to you about my realization into certain things that is happening to me lately...

   To those with ears to hear and eyes to see, there will be very great release from unbearable burdens in the language of autum trees, just like for example when they dress most gloriously in preparation for death... 

   The red of the leaves is the sign of the cross. Winter follows, when snow closes everything in frozen silence... the trees then are skeletons, but wonders are being performed under the surface of things. Spring comes and the hidden wonders burst out all at once in the open... tiny shrouts, swelling buds, touches of green and red where all seemed hopeless the day before...

   It just made me wonder that if the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither, it the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months, there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new new life at all...

   "The Lord had brought growth in me through knowing and loving him.... something that I won't regret and cannot regret, though there have been times when I wished I'd never met him. I have to give him to the Lord regularly. I live "present tense" more than ever before and I have managed to overcome the plaguing desire to know if "we" will eventually "work out". I've told the Lord I want to be an obedient servant, and He shout back, "and are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for me to make you that?"..... even though I felt unable, I said, "What choice do I have? I know too much to drop the ballnow. There's no turning back. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid and scared... But YOU, Oh LOrd has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable....  

Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord let me lift up those who are weak
and may the cry of my heart always be
Make me a servant
Make me a servant
Make me a servant today.....


Posted at Friday, April 08, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

Wednesday, April 06, 2005
~ Pequeñas Muertes ~

Little Deaths

"Cuando la voluntad del dios cruza la voluntad del hombre, alguien tiene que morir."
"When the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die."

   Life requires countless "Little Deaths" occassions when we are given the chance to say "NO" to self and "YES" to God. The apostle Paul said, "For continually, while still alive, we are being surrendered in the the hands of death, for Jesus' sake...." It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and desrving death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, "Not my will...." there could have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything. The good He had done and the good He might do if he was permitted to live, for the love of God. The same choice is offered to us. Little death have to be died just as great ones do. Every reminder that aroused a longing had to be offered up. There is a big is this: we are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live. 

   Just like what has been said to me by my spiritual brother that if I felt being hurt and offended everytime he rebuked me, there is something in me that has and needed to die which before I cannot comprehend... "something in me that needed to die" it puzzled me way back then and made even even think about it... "Sin", I guess it needed to die in order for me to live the life God wanted me to have... I always cried out to God that I really, really wanted to live life to give glory in Him and what hinders me is my pride... the struggle inside of me is so intense and that there are times that I wanted to give up and just to continue walking but that is not God wants me to have.... and now I came to realized it all....   

A Seed falls into the dark earth and dies... out of its death comes multiplied life..

   It takes faith to believe this, as it takes faith for a farmer to plant a seed. It takes faith to live by it, faith to act on it, faith to keep looking at the joyful end of it all. A failure of faith here leads certainly to resentment and then to depression. the destruction will go on an on...

Let me shine Oh Lord,

Let me Shine,

Give me Light Oh Lord,

Let me light,

The darkness Sky

It feels so light

It's cold up there

Without your light

So let me die

That You may live

A sudden death

A life to lead.....



Posted at Wednesday, April 06, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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